The Hell With That

♣ What I've done

I'll face myself

To cross out what I've become

Erase myself

And let go of what I've done

[What I've Done - Linkin Park]

What now?

At this instant I'm sure that you have guessed what I feel directly : anger. Why so? I am pissed off with what things are going on. Just right now, after chatting with "I-don't-want-to-expose-that-person," I instantly felt regret. Why did I just talk to that person? Nonsense talk. Useless, time-consuming talk. I really feel stupid. And on another point of view, why am I cramming for an answer? Is that person important to me? Hell yeah, that person is very important. That person said: "I missed you;" and it buzzed me off the ground. But I can't find anything there, those lines that person said to me were just like "false labels." I was thinking about it. Am I completely blaming that person? Somehow, as you can see and read, YES, I am. I am pissed off with your manner. Why did you have to do that at that instant? Is it really that damn important that talking to ME? I who stupidly searched for answers behind your eyes? I who wants to know that you are important to me? Can't you see that? We never talk this much anyway. I just want to tell you some things that may at least make you smile, make you happy, make you feel important. This saves nothing but resolutions. Just like that, forget me and go on. Damn.

Here I go on, mixing my emotions with confusion. I'm listening to alternative rock at the moment. I've been through with Signal Fire by Snow Patrol. Smooth music. Soothing. Relaxing. Damn, even though music helps me forget the problem BUT the problem just sings its way inside my damn brain.

♣ The perfect words
never crossed my mind,

'cause there was
nothing in there but you,

I felt every ounce of
me screaming out,

But the sound was
trapped deep in me,

All I wanted just speed
right past me,

While I was
rooted fast to the earth

[Signal Fire - Snow
Patrol]

This is my way of bringing my problems out of me. The problem is that the problem just goes on and on inside my damn brain... Can't help myself but to bring myself to use : I am currently

PLAYING SOME DAMN INSTRUMENT -